Israel · Memorable words

A different kind of pain

I just got a postcard from K. today and in the end she said something so beautiful that is universally true

“Saying goodbye to people I’ve come to love seems to be a different kind of pain every time so it doesn’t let me get used to it.”

I have been thinking about that lately and it seems like this is the general truth about life. Even when it comes to that one recurring test we all have in our lives, you know what it is, that test you feel like you’re done with and won’t have to deal with again and all of a sudden a few months or years down the line it pops up again? It can be anything from feeling insecure or lonely to your sense of humour hurting the feelings of people around you, to getting hurt for this or that reason…

It’s that same feeling of familiarity but with a new twist every time, so it takes you by surprise, by expected surprise in a way. So every time you go through that “But I went through this already! Why is it so different now? I thought I’d dealt with that!” dialogue in your head, something click to remind you that it’s happened before. I don’t know if I’m expressing myself well, especially after starting with such a concise eloquent statement by Krisia that really hit the proverbial nail on the head.

For me it’s exactly the same way with saying goodbye to my dear friends and even my family, as it is with getting the flu (as I get older, it’s never the same symptoms in the same order! and it’s never the same “sick” feeling. I remember clearly when I was a kid, it was always that same exact “sick” feeling, where everything smelled like boiled green peas, and I was hot and feverish and my throat hurt, all in the exact same way and in the same order, first the throat, then the eyes, then the green pea smell then the hot feverishness…now it’s different and weird every time and I can’t even comfort myself in being familiarly sick), as it is with dealing with certain interactions I find continually challenging to me…

I also got a postcard from my friend B., series 2 of 3 in the Orchid series. Ohhh. Now that’s a FANTASTIC story. I’ll write it up sometime this week, it’s really unforgettable, a true Ferret Classic.

One thought on “A different kind of pain

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